The Snowpocalypse Vs Spring // Issue 10
It's the endless question that is top on everyone's mind: what the heck is wrong with winter this year and why won't it go already?
We're now just a few days out from the arrival of Spring and it seems like the weather masters are not happy about it. With a Cyclone Snow Bomb exploding on the US in the latest episode of the winter that never ends, and snowball missiles flying in frozen streaks over Subeta, go get yourself a hot cup of cocoa and settle in for this extra frozen issue of The Pepper.
Oh, and by the way, Punxsutawney Phil, you're fired!
However tedious this endless winter might be, the whole snowball affair has brought to light some interesting hypothesis, accusations, and some outright scandal quality material! Here's the latest scoop, er, rather, just take this snowball and hold onto it for a while.
Well, Subeta, The Pepper, as always has the inside scoop and we just want to say that Spring never left. The weather outside might be frightful, but if you are looking for Spring... all you have to do is hop on over and say hi. She may even send you sunshine and flowers to cheer you up while you wait out the last snowstorms.
#1. Tea_Roll thinks it's Lumi still and the weather is trying to keep her happy. This would only make sense if she was Elsa in disguise. However, she protests and says that she is not. Someone who controls the weather is just trying to appease her. But...what does that mean? Who is trying to appease tea? If she knows, she's not telling.
She is, however, complaining because while her magic may be keeping winter around for longer than anyone else wants, her snowball powers are limited. She's been unable to add snowy decor to many of the LRVT clan, including Empress Lariel, Springjoy, TerrenaAnimula, and Lovecraft.
After much experimenting, the editors cannot come up with a reasonable explanation for this. Is Tea Elsa in disguise...and if she is...is Elsa starting to lose her ice queen powers? Oh and for the record, Tea yells if it gets to be less than 50 degrees so we're not entirely
#2. It's All Webby's Fault. Every time the weather report comes in, the snow is pelting Webby Land and then the cold oozes down, sometimes even as far south as Merlot's country. She denies any involvement in the weather pattern and blames Lovecraft as the true instigator. The Pepper is monitoring this long term, and while Webby's innocence is questionable, we wouldn't put it beyond Lovecraft to be involved as well.
#3. Melody Forgot to turn off the winter switch. We don't know exactly what Melody does when she's not handing out presents and preparing goodies for the Subetan Public, but we think she maybe takes a few long naps after Lumi and maybe she forgot to switch winter into "OFF" mode before her nap. No one has really made it to her secret summer home where she recovers so we can't exactly wake her up to let her know.
#4. While all these theories have real possibilities, it's also entirely possible that global warming is failing us and we're just going to have to suffer through The Long Winter like Laura Ingalls and maybe write books...er, Pepper Issues about it to entertain ourselves.
If you have a theory on why winter won't end, just drop us a comment. The Pepper is committed to investigating ALL leads in this matter.
We're now just a few days out from the arrival of Spring and it seems like the weather masters are not happy about it. With a Cyclone Snow Bomb exploding on the US in the latest episode of the winter that never ends, and snowball missiles flying in frozen streaks over Subeta, go get yourself a hot cup of cocoa and settle in for this extra frozen issue of The Pepper.
Oh, and by the way, Punxsutawney Phil, you're fired!
Take A Snowball for the Team
With all that snow out there, LRVT is split between hiding deep in the biggest pile of blankets that can be found and the onery few who insist on gleefully pelting everyone else with snowballs left and right. Some try to be sneaky about it, throwing in stealth when they think no one will notice. While others practically jump out of their fur in anticipation of practically knocking the socks off everyone with the sheer number of snowballs thrown. That's right, Frieda, we're looking at you!However tedious this endless winter might be, the whole snowball affair has brought to light some interesting hypothesis, accusations, and some outright scandal quality material! Here's the latest scoop, er, rather, just take this snowball and hold onto it for a while.
Subeta's Most Wanted List: Spring (joy)
There has never been a time when Spring has been more popular with the general population than this year. With Winter raging far past it's welcome, even Subeta has taken to proclaiming that "Spring is almost here" as a way of cheering their members.
Well, Subeta, The Pepper, as always has the inside scoop and we just want to say that Spring never left. The weather outside might be frightful, but if you are looking for Spring... all you have to do is hop on over and say hi. She may even send you sunshine and flowers to cheer you up while you wait out the last snowstorms.
Why Won't Winter Stop?
Everyone might be looking for Spring, but has anyone stopped to ask...Why is it still winter? Well, we asked that question and we have some theories.#1. Tea_Roll thinks it's Lumi still and the weather is trying to keep her happy. This would only make sense if she was Elsa in disguise. However, she protests and says that she is not. Someone who controls the weather is just trying to appease her. But...what does that mean? Who is trying to appease tea? If she knows, she's not telling.
She is, however, complaining because while her magic may be keeping winter around for longer than anyone else wants, her snowball powers are limited. She's been unable to add snowy decor to many of the LRVT clan, including Empress Lariel, Springjoy, TerrenaAnimula, and Lovecraft.
After much experimenting, the editors cannot come up with a reasonable explanation for this. Is Tea Elsa in disguise...and if she is...is Elsa starting to lose her ice queen powers? Oh and for the record, Tea yells if it gets to be less than 50 degrees so we're not entirely
#2. It's All Webby's Fault. Every time the weather report comes in, the snow is pelting Webby Land and then the cold oozes down, sometimes even as far south as Merlot's country. She denies any involvement in the weather pattern and blames Lovecraft as the true instigator. The Pepper is monitoring this long term, and while Webby's innocence is questionable, we wouldn't put it beyond Lovecraft to be involved as well.
#3. Melody Forgot to turn off the winter switch. We don't know exactly what Melody does when she's not handing out presents and preparing goodies for the Subetan Public, but we think she maybe takes a few long naps after Lumi and maybe she forgot to switch winter into "OFF" mode before her nap. No one has really made it to her secret summer home where she recovers so we can't exactly wake her up to let her know.
#4. While all these theories have real possibilities, it's also entirely possible that global warming is failing us and we're just going to have to suffer through The Long Winter like Laura Ingalls and maybe write books...er, Pepper Issues about it to entertain ourselves.
If you have a theory on why winter won't end, just drop us a comment. The Pepper is committed to investigating ALL leads in this matter.
Tea Gives Fresh Cake
Deny it as she may, The Pepper had further proof of Tea's double-crossing the No Cake for Fresh movement by sending a picture she snapped of herself chucking cake at Fresh as fast as a woodchuck would chuck wood if a woodchuck could chuck wood. When I asked her if she realized that she had been breaking her own rules with the cake throwing, she said she had no problem giving him a faceful of snow cake. Rude as it may be, cake is cake. Those who are in the anti-cake camp can make their own decision about this particular instance, but as for the writer of this paper, she knows what she thinks: Tea has secretly been on Team Cake and just hasn't yet come out about it.
Snow one is Nekkid this Time
But Frieda has taken some nasty hits to the head. Someone give her a break already! Even if she did pelt you first...
I need to exhaust my supply of snowballs before they close the snowtapault...just saying.
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