It's been eighty-four years and seventeen days since the last issue of Subeta's most loved chronicles was published.
One might think the Nyota clan had turned saintly at long last. But have they really given up their life of Royal shopping sprees, hidden CW closets, and general poking and bopping and dancing with the bears? Has the Empress's endless bopping finally begun to pay off?
The answer is clearly a resounding no. Upon seeing her name reported one too many times for bad weather, Webby blew the press right into the Marz… the room we don’t speak of. It’s only by the luck of the Irish Pepper Ghosts that we return to you with these breaking news items.
In other words, We're back!!!
It does not escape our notice that the final issue was numbered 13. Some might call that a bad omen, but the reporters here don't believe in bad luck, we just believe in coming back again and again. Like heartburn, you say? Well maybe. We are Peppers after all.
So where have we been for the last two years and why haven't there been any more Pepper Issues for so long? In the words of the infamous Tea Ninja Warrior, We do what we want!!!!!!!!
What we said about Webby sending hurricanes in 2020 to push the Pepper Press into the Marzipan News was mostly true. 2020 nearly drown out one of your favorite reporters with repeated bashings and a tornado torpedo that tried to send Gilly through her roof. No thanks to anyone, we have eventually stumbled back out into the open and back to our keyboards.
The real question is what have YOU all been doing for the last two years?
Nekked News
We never thought we'd say this, but what the heck is going on and why does Lovecraft have so many clothes on?!
A regular feature in our "barely there" clothing category, the Pepper is shocked to report that after sending an sp...reporter to check in on one of the LRVT founders, they were disappointed to find her more clothed than ever before. And in pink? Something is clearly not right here. Lovecraft, if you've been captured by some pink unicorn clothing guru, blink twice!!!
It's Pandemic and the LRVT and ASP boards are sporting enough clothing to thaw out the North Pole in January. Again, we repeat, what the heck is going on and why is everyone hiding their skin?
The only honorable mention we find ourselves able to make is that BCSAM seems to have a small problem where the Cat got his shirt...or something. He didn't say and we didn't ask. Assumptions are far better than reality, right?
Tea_Roll Offends Virus Official With Rude Remarks about His Work
Didn't we promise some juicy morsels? Well here's one that got the entire Subetan world talking. Last week Tea_Roll made some pointed remarks regarding the long-standing Pandemic Volunteer Program that caused an immediate, nearly unexplained, and ongoing shut down of the most anticipated germ-fest known to HAs when she flippantly said, and I semi-quote-which-is-good-enough-for-the-pepper: "Who cares about the viruses? All I care about is biting!"
Sources close to Gunner claim that he was deeply offended and refuses to release any new strains until he receives an adequate apology and probably all of Louis' chocolate stores. In spite of many Subetans pleading with Tea to offer an apology so we can get on, she has issued an official statement, and this time I do quote:
Is anyone shocked? No? Yeah, we didn't think so. Stay tuned for the latest on this developing story. We all await with bated breath to see if Gunner will ever give in and retract his "no new strains, no old strains" stance.
In the meantime, we have actual footage of Keith behind the scenes, working to resolve this conflict...
Quick, everyone! It's GO SHOPPING time!!
After catching The Royal Nyota Empress Lariel emerging from a local shop for the fifth time in as many weeks, she has graciously lifted her spending ban and has declared it free shopping season for the rest of the month. Since she vows it will be six months before we catch her impulse shopping again, I say...let's make the most of it!
Merlot was already seen bringing home not one but two custom clothing items, and Spring has been snagging stickers like there's no tomorrow. We won't waste any more time with words about this free for all, but go, go, goo!!!
Wigs with Bathing Suits - insanity or a new fad?
The gossip columns are full of speculation. After Merlot stated clearly that she likes wearing wigs with her bathing suit, everyone has just one question. Why?
Well, that, my friends, is Pepper's specialty, Bringing you the answers to your burning questions since 2017!
And the answer is, Why not? You could even say that Merlot is taking up Tea_Roll's signature phrase and saying "I do what I want!!"
To that we say, please do. Go ahead. Wear a wig and a bathing suit. I don't care!
Some Royal Members Confess to wearing two different bathing suits in two different sizes at the same time.
With the LRVT/ASP clan donning a shocking amount of clothing for February, I guess we should not be surprised that more than one Nyota has confessed that they wear not one, but two swimming suits of different sizes at the same time.
While we could ask them directly what the meaning of these things might be, it's always best to speculate. And we believe that after two long years of isolation, it is clear everyone's a little off their game. What we need is something to shake things up. A scandal? An adventure? An adventure with a scandal?
The Return of the Wayward Squirrel
Did we say we needed an adventure? The Subetan goddess of adventure, GreenRowan, has taken it upon herself to give us just that. We are itching to get our first glimpses of what she may have in store for those of us who have long missed this yearly event and we promise the Pepper will be reporting every juicy tidbit and scandal along the way. Because you know it's not Wayward Squirrel without a village or two burning down or without Tea Dancing with random Bears or stealing Carts or...smuggling kittens into enemies' packs?
As always, stay spicy, friends, and keep your eyes on this space....and if anything happens, We blame Webby!!!
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