Scandals! Feuds! And another Queen is Named // Issue 17

Well what do you know.

Just when you thought that the editors of The Pepper had given up on keeping tab on the LRVT community and Royal Clan of Nyota or possibly had been claimed by The Room That Shall Not Be Named, bam. They pop up like a wack-a-mole and slap everyone over the head with the latest and the greatest scandals. 

So if you are snoopy, or just wonder what on earth is happening in LRVT Subeta-land, drop everything and read this immediately.

The ongoing Fued of who controls the weather-- spoiler alert: it's still Webby

The topic of weather is so common that in just a few months, it has been discussed over 130 times within the royal family. But why is the weather so popular when it's not for common small talk? Let us tell you.

We've all known it for years in the Royal Family. When Mirena gifted her power over wild weather to someone who could reach the outside world, she tried to be discreet. We don't know exactly the terms of this deal with the Sea and Weather Queen, but there has never been a question in our minds as to who it is who is controlling the weather cauldron in this "real world" and spinning out weather both wild and mild. 

While others have accepted the blame and even seem to delight in the infamy of their unsavory powers (Yes, I'm looking at you and your lunar curses, Moon Ninja Queen!), the Queen of Weather Webby continues to deny all things weather related. She has gone to great lengths to throw us off her trail and to disguise the location of her weather potions, even throwing others under the latest tornado, do not be decieved. The evidence is unfailing, and all points to just one person as the cause of all our weather wonder and woes and that person is Webby. 

The editor of this paper hope that one day Webby will embrace her mighty powers and realize that while we may all gripe over the weather she cooks up when it's bad, none of us are sad for the mild days and the gentle rains that we all need to thrive. With great power over wild and mild, we are sure the topic of weather and who's to blame will continue for a great many months to come. 

All you have to do is wait five minutes and you know...no matter where you are, the weather's gonna change on you and we'll be over here talking about it.

Tea Roll will literally pay people to poke Lovecraft aka Gerty’s buns

It's probably some royal law that you Do Not Touch Gerty's Buns. In a recent chaotic family discussion, someone overheard Tea Roll say to Spring who had mentioned getting disowned fi she poked the buns that she would reown and pay for anyone to touch Gerty's buns. If you wanted a scandal my friends, it doesn't get any better than that.

Is Her Royal Empressness' last suitor sleeping with The Fish?

It's been exactly an unknown number of years since the last suitor who dared to risk courting Her Royal Empressness was seen, but a rumor has surfaced that he is taking a very long nap...with the fishes after attending an exclussive dinner with Gilly.

An official investigation has not been initiated because we honestly don't care what happened to the lout but any news that includes the elusive Gilly is mandatory for any issues of The Pepper that are published. If this unnamed suitor has indeed taken such a nap, we have nothing but the best in our wishes for him. May he rest in pieces.

Royal Title Given to Kalidescope, Official Nyota Clan member!

Earlier this year, The Empress granted a new title and position to one of our LRVT members. Kalidescope shall henceforth be recognized as the Queen Of All That Glitters, adding sparkle and unexpected pizzazz to all the places she touches.

Glitter can be festive. It can be fun. But beware. Should anyone cross or torment the royal family, don't under estimate the power of a glitter bomb to desimate your sanity.

The Famous Rainbow Witchy returns!

We knew that nothing could really take her down, but we are delighted with the return of our very own Queen Witchy. While she's had a small delay in her usual rainbow rounds, we do not doubt that before we know it, she'll be flying over, leaving rainbows wherever she goes. 

In the meantime, she offers shopping and fashion advice, and lots of laughs. Exactly what the royal family was missing in her absense. 

Did Lovecraft Comission New Dungeons?

No one wants to find out for sure if the info leak stating that Gerty aka Lovecraft has comissioned at least one new dungeon, but we are going with yes. The Witchy’s crystal ball cannot lie and it has indicated that we may be looking at even more than one new dungeon in the last five years.

So the greater question is...what inspired Lovecraft's love of Dungeons? The editors of The Pepper hired AI Investigator to comment on this phenomenon and to do that we have to go back to the Other Lovecraft.

"If you're a fan of the horror genre, chances are you've heard of H.P. Lovecraft. Known for his captivating tales of cosmic horror and the Cthulhu Mythos, Lovecraft's influence can be seen in countless works of literature, film, and even video games. But did you know that Lovecraft was also an avid fan of tabletop role-playing games? And that he may have even commissioned new dungeons for his gaming sessions?"

With this inside info, it becomes easy to see why our Lovecraft, Queen of Dungeons, would follow H.P's trend and not rest until she has far outdone any number of Dungeons that he ever could have created both in fiction, game or reality.

Empress confesses

In a shocking turn of events, and after many attempts to delay the moment of truth, Empress Lariel has officially made a confession to the Royal Family. Turns out, it wasn't quite the confession any of us were expecting.

That's right. The Empress has *gasp* bought herself some useful boots to keep herself warm over the winter. Can you even imagine this? 

Of course, Merlot immediately pressed that if Empress gets to buy boots, so does she.

And if you wonder why there are 500 new shoe deliveries arriving each day at the Royal Castles, now you know.

This shopping spree will expire at the end of January so if you need some shoes, better get yourself a couple pairs! 

Spring Almost Leaks Top Secret Pepper Intel to the wrong person

In an epic moment of failure, the plans for this issue of The Pepper were leaked when Spring messaged a detailed line up of these scandals and fueds to the wrong person who shares Tea Roll's name. After some confusion and some taking back of words, the Royal Family's secrets were recovered successfully for us to expose in this episode.

Spring's reputation for sanity among her non subetan friends however may be permantly damaged.

A MAJOR Win for Team Ninja

A long standing battle between TerrenaAnimula and Tea Roll has finally ended this year with TerrenaAnimula conceding that Tea Roll is actually a Ninja afterall. When celebrating this iconic Holiday in December, there were no protests or comment or denials. Team Ninja is counting this as a major political win and demonstrates the lack of evidence in favor of TerrenaAnimula's claims and resistence to this rightful title. 

While this battle may be over, we can only hope that in time, the right for cake for all will be won in similar fashion if we but patiently bide our time.

No Nekkid News is No Nekkid News

Our undercover Ninja Agent has been unable to capture any LRVT members in compromising clothing. In a completely shocking show of propriety, no one has even shown enough skin to cause a scandal. Therefore...There is no nekkid news to report.

HEY, that's supposed to be a good thing!

In fact, there was so much clothing to be found that we may need to investigate if any unapproved shopping sprees were had behind the Empress' back. Please stay tuned for more on this developing story.

Until next time...may your days be filled with love, light and a good dose of royal scandals.

Happy New year!!

Upcoming Scandals in a future issue...

• Who's reading Smut now?
• The Rise of Pikmin
• Hide Your Limbs! Wear Your Clothes! The smoochers and the nommers are on the prowl in February

Who's reading Smut now? The Rise of Pikmin Hide Your Limbs! The Nommers on on the Prowl in Februar